As much as I love sitting next to you and feeling your arm around my shoulder, almost as much do I love sitting at the other side of the room. I could fall in love with who you are over and over again. How you smile when you understand the funny part in German, how you shrug your shoulders once and move your head back a bit when you consider something funny enough to laugh. The way you shove your jaw forward and scratch your beard. I can't tell for sure but maybe you're thinking about the point the speaker just made. And oh how tired you are. You wipe your eyes in the funniest way I've ever seen, because it somehow includes a hilarious detour over your nose. You're like a little cat but of course it's not manly enough to say that. So, I better don't write it down.

It's nice to see how you dressed up. Especially combined with the scruffy look you got because you didn’t shave. I bet you think of yourself as pretty good looking tonight. I would call you 'arrogant' and you would smile because even though I'm serious we both know it's nothing I would ever hate you for. Apart from that you have good reasons to be arrogant. I shouldn’t write this down either.

I love how your beard gives your face a perfect shape. I love the sad look in your eyes that would always make you seem serious, wise, careworn, mysterious, inapproachable - a mixture of all these. You might be some of them but you're not sad. I could ask you, just like I do five times a week. And you would deny and I would believe it but the next day I would ask again just to make sure I don't miss the day that you might actually really be sad. I like to believe your face reflects the way life treated you so far. Even though you don't say it, it hasn't been too easy on you. And still you're not as sad as your face simulates. That's only one of the things that leave me deeply impressed about you.

You're sitting there not even noticing how I'm focused on you and how much my head needs me to write everything down. If only I could find unused words that would make you see how highly I think of you. How much my eyes and my mind delight in you, your movements, your reactions, your expressions, you. Every single minute I want to jump up, take the few steps across the room to give you the best hug I have. But I don't dare because what would the others think... and apart from that it's a funny feeling to have this impulse over and over again. I guess impulses are meant to be gone after seconds as you normally fulfill them right away. But as I'm holding back I just enjoy the upcoming feeling of loving you combined with a deep thankfulness that I can call you mine.

You are the one person I would probably not get sick of being very close to every day. But even not being right next to you is alright because it's something truly wonderful to watch you be yourself.
6.10.11 22:04


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